3/10*

(*10/10 on a so bad it’s good level)

I propose that Hard To Kill is the greatest Steven Seagal movie ever made. Not because of it’s technical excellence, or the performances, cinematography or even soundtrack. But because of its sheer entertainment value as a film that is so bad, it’s good.

And if you’re privy to the name Steven Seagal, you might be aware that he has made an entire living off making bad films. But Hard To Kill is a standout. Yes, even above his other most well-known film, Under Siege, though that still holds a special place in my heart and comes in as a close second. But no, the champion is still Hard To Kill, so let me set the scene for this fantastic piece of cinema history.

Mason Storm (Steven Seagal) is an undercover cop who captures some incriminating evidence of a powerful man. As a result, Storm who is quickly killed off, along with his entire family might I add, in an effort to cover up the damaging evidence. Or should I say, they thought they killed Storm off! Because no man can simply kill Steven Seagal. He’s like the real-life version of Batman, except with a lot more karate chops in his arsenal. Oh no, Steven Seagal is coming back for vengeance in a Kill Bill type scenario but one that is all the more hilarious to watch.

Like the other great Steven Seagal movies, one of the aspects that’s the most entertaining to watch is the dialogue that’s written. It’s akin to how they gave so many cheesy one-liners to another great action-star Arnold Schwarzenegger but Steven Seagal’s films are just so much worse, that it becomes hilarious as a result. The most notable of these, and I’m putting up a spoiler warning in case you want to watch the film (but this should sell seeing it on this alone), is what I’ve dubbed the infamous flower scene.

The female interest in the film, played by Kelly Le Brock (who was actually his wife at the time and probably explains why she did this film), comes to interrupt Seagal midway through his montage of training and edits of him exercising. She walks in, dressed up like it’s a date and is holding a single flower for some reason, and delivers the words “I was just…passing by. And I thought you might want a flower.” She then smiles and comes closer to Seagal, who clues in on the biggest fucking signal ever given in film history and then they accordingly proceed to fuck.

I NEARLY DIED OF LAUGHTER.

This is one of those scene’s that really does speak volumes for the rest of the movie. So instead of me continuing on to describe other hilarious examples of just the sheer stupidity that’s also in the story, I’ll let you enjoy these on your first time watch, just like I did. Suffice to say, this is a film that would serve well as a movie you show to your friends who like talking a lot during a movie, getting drunk or even just enjoy watching together as a group. Because if you add in any one of those elements, better yet all three, you will have the best time watching this film.

And I wholeheartedly recommend you do because it’s fucking hilarious.

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